I Should
By Pam Hadder 

I should tremble

Like the poplar leaves
Chattering nervously
Hoping the sun peaks out
To cast her golden veil over me
Each quivering leaf a dazzling sequin
Silver, emerald and gold

I should duck and hide
Just like the autumn wind
Exhaling and swirling
Uncertain, meandering
Disrupting dead calm with erratic dance
Smoky, hazy, translucent

I should avert my gaze
Like the clouded sky
Fearful to reveal her
Honesty, beauty, courage
Shrouding blue clarity with gauze, feathers
Opalescent or white

I should, I should

But I will not

Re[purpose]d

By Pam Hadder

Purpose, purposeful – these words suggest a gentle-but-firm nudge in a planned direction.  When we lack purpose we drift in limbo versus living – most of us realize that when we reach personal crossroads.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about consumerism, commerce and capitalism – or the Big Cs, as I call them!  The Big Cs are weeds with lovely flowers – in moderation they are good for all (employment, diversity, opportunity, growth etc.), but if left unchecked we become overrun.  Unchecked capitalism results in the poor being exploited to make the rich richer, and a 2015 report by Oxfam suggests that we have reached an almost incomprehensible extreme.  According to their report, approximately 80 people are controlling half of the Earth’s wealth. http://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/jan/19/global-wealth-oxfam-inequality-davos-economic-summit-switzerland

A friend of mine recently scanned a handful of old photo prints to share with a long-time pal. Her pal was delighted to receive the vintage images, and remarked that these few images meant so much to her amid a huge personal stockpile of electronic photos.  The woman felt that she used to live more and take fewer pictures, and she also wondered what would happen to all of the stuff she had saved on jump drives, disks etc?  Would anyone care; who would ever have time to go through her thousands and thousands of digital images? 

I appreciated and understood this woman’s viewpoint, but as a trained photographer I must confess I love image making.  In recent years, I have had to be satisfied with the typical Mommy’s “goof proof” camera and smart phone pics – I have settled for the ease and immediacy of digital image making.  Long gone are the hours spent shooting, developing, printing and (in some cases) hand retouching or colourizing my prints.  I fondly recall the complete experience, however, including the pungent aromas of the darkroom – developer and fixer.  Those hours passed like seconds – I was completely immersed in the flow of creating and experimenting.  I never yearned to generate MORE at a FASTER rate, nor did I foresee that digital image-making would surpass and overtake film photography – the sense back then was that digital would never match the QUALITY of film.

Technology has made it increasingly easy to create, share and publish images – this too has both positive and negative implications. The aforementioned anecdote explores our relationships with images and image making, and it is just one small taste of a complex situation. Access to technology has given voice to the voiceless, has broadened potential experiences, and has allowed for real-time remote global connections – but it has also allowed for exploitation à la cyber bullying, false presentation of person and value; and theft/misappropriation of material and ideas.  We have also been pressured to evaluate, respond and produce material at an increasingly rapid pace. So is there a connection between global trends favouring extreme capitalism, consumerism and commerce and how we interact and share information – even on a personal basis? I think so – technology does not allow for pause, reflection and human contact.  We are duped into believing that a frenetic pace with incredible potential volume is meaningful. Further, we are expected to trust in statistics measuring electronic “engagement,” while eschewing opportunities for real, in-person connection and seeing traditional methods as dated or low value.  

As an artist I find pleasure in creation, and immersion in technology can be stimulating for a time, but one also risks becoming soul-less, isolated/isolating and reactionary. Are we making meaning or just making more stuff?  Who are we really talking to, sharing with, and to what end?  If you are like me, you are hopeful that our actions mean more; that they constitute more than an elaborate fantasy or, worse yet, meaningless busy-work. For creative people that resist the tech push, there is a risk of “not existing” in modern terms – traditional means of expression get overrun with technological volume and perceived value.  Furthermore, if commerce is king, and you aren’t financially well-heeled, you are considered a failure, and your existence, as well as your credibility may be questioned (are you feeling the Big Cs here?).

That grim realization pushes my thoughts of purpose and purposeful toward “re-purposed.” Kudos to those enterprising types that reduce, reuse, recycle and even make a living selling art, clothing, décor items, furniture, and so on, all made from materials that might have ended up in landfill sites. It’s hardly new – the hippies fighting for the environment in the 70s understood the importance of environmental stewardship and equitable use of resources. Although technology has helped many of these small companies engage and find customers, most of them are not getting rich doing quality work that is good for the planet.  I am wondering if we were able to balance capitalism if we might see simplicity as success and that we might enjoy LIFE more?

How has humanity allowed 1% of the planet to control half its wealth?  Imagine if governments stopped allowing so much foreign investment, urban sprawl, urbanization, gentrification, and so on – what if we carefully managed our resources and infrastructure, taking care to repurpose buildings, to protect green space and natural space; to ensure that good homes were affordable for all, to consider the needs of all citizens when making decisions, and to allow small business enterprises to thrive?  Perhaps we need to unplug, disconnect, and physically survey how much we are producing, consuming and holding on to; to take stock of what really matters and how we can do our part to ensure this world is a fairer, better place for all. Ultimately it is a value assessment - what really is necessary for our wellness and the sustainability of the planet. And at what point do our actions cross the boundaries of necessity and become driven by greed?  

Ahem... Interrupting Astrological Heteronormativity

Do you regularly read your horoscope?  Have you ever seen a palm reader, fortune teller or other modern-day soothsayer? Have you ever considered the gendering innate in these practices?  If not, you might want to read the fabulous submissions on queerastrology.com

Here is the link - enjoy :)

http://queerastrology.com/contributors/ 

Sailing With Tess

By Pam Hadder

We all do it – at least at some point – we set sail with the firm belief we are the master of our destiny.  When things go awry, we push on – ignoring the small signs and the huge, rolling swells that signify “dangerous waters ahead.”  But how much control do we ultimately have?  Is it truly mind and muscle over matter?  Modern self-improvement gurus might witness our floundering and hypothesize that we are not immersed in self-belief or believing, period –  à la Deepak Chopra, or the Secret.

On the other hand, consider Thomas Hardy’s classic tale, Tess of the d’ Urbervilles – it is likely that you had to slog through and analyze the beans out of this novel in high school!  What has stayed with me post high school is my frustration with the ludicrous limitations placed upon the protagonist, Tess.   Tess has an opportunity to escape with her true love, Angel, but instead she succumbs to fatalistic views and fulfills the tragic heroine outcome.   Consider when the search party finds her sleeping on the altar at Stonehenge – woman as sacrifice; a human offering for a twisted world that frames the feminine as unstable, promiscuous, consumable, and as object – she is a stripped down caricature, devoid of agency.  

The novel’s ending was so aggravating to me as a young woman – I mean, what the hell, I would have fought a lot harder that!  I didn't have the critical awareness or the language to articulate my frustration at that time. Furthermore, the subject of sexism was not addressed by my teachers.  I now see that the book was a complete set-up of the female gender, a damnation of women as irrational temptresses, incapable of forging a worthwhile path in the world; keep those XXs on a short leash or goodness knows they’ll stab you in the heart – literally the message served up by Hardy in his characterization of Tess.

So what is it – mind over matter or wildly surfing the whims of fate?  As much as I have battled the naysayers, the misogynists, and the structures that limit womanhood, and it pains me to admit there have been too many times that I sailed with Tess, forgetting my dreams and allowing opinions and social pressures to alter my course.  I recall being very small and building a sand castle by the lake shore – as soon as I would make a little headway – whoosh another wave would arrive to dash my hopes and remind me of inadequacies I had already begun to feel; inadequacies I resisted but which my socialization reinforced as being attributed to my girlhood.  How many times have you heard “take it like a man” or “run like a girl” etc. – associations with the feminine are too often framed as the incapable, the weak, and the laughable “other.”  

It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the  person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.”  Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women,"  we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to  understand that women's rights are basic human rights.

Hillary Revisited

By Pam Hadder

My Mom is downsizing – she has finally sold the four-bedroom family home and is moving into a swank, green energy, 50+ apartment.  I am very proud of her practicality and spunk – she is looking forward to NOT shoveling snow, raking leaves and paying property taxes!  She has been so great at letting go of the old and embracing change – I am very proud of her in all ways. During the de-junking phase of Mom’s big move, we came across many interesting papers and trinkets – lots of things we had forgotten.  Some of the items are enjoying renewed significance, whereas much of it was just garbage.  For me, one of the treasures was an old issue of Homemaker’s Magazine (April 1993).  On the cover is a smiling, confident Hillary Clinton – just four months into her role as America’s First Lady.

The corresponding article was called “The Hillary Factor” and was written by Jocelyn Laurence – I skimmed through the paragraphs and images, and was struck by how much was different and also by how much was very much the same!  It made me realize how little ground we have made as women in political life – half the North American population is still being marginalized while the boys hold court.  Women who dare to enter the lion’s den are mocked and belittled and as such female perspectives are gravely absent from our political process.

Feminist hopes were very high for Hillary at that time: “whatever you might feel about her … politics…her attitudes and actions will put a new spin on the role of the political spouse and equality between the sexes.”   Further, Laurence commented on the “confusion engendered by a smart woman in a position of power” – instead of smiling on the sidelines, Hillary was visible and engaged in her own working priorities both on the campaign trail and later at the White House, where she got the press in a frenzy by occupying three offices.  There is no doubt that Hillary Rodham Clinton inspired women and girls to grab their hopes and dreams by the collar and hang on.

The writer parallels Hillary’s experience with Canadian first ladies, Maureen McTeer and Mila Mulroney, describing the flack these bright women faced because “they decided to do something other than buy designer gowns and meet interior decorators.” McTeer was characterized as “strident” and Mulroney was unfairly typecast as “an expensive ornament.”  Hillary had similarly been vilified by the press as “the yuppie wife from hell,” among many other insulting and demeaning statements – remember all the fuss about her hair bands for goodness sake?  The Homemaker’s article reminded me of the ridiculous preoccupation with Hillary’s physical attributes versus crediting her for sparkling intelligence and her many admirable capabilities and accomplishments.  Despite any bad-mouthing of Hillary and Bill’s partnership in politics, Clinton was elected and the rest is history.  A respected contributor to the Clinton administration, the former First Lady has continued to be a great influence and political leader in her own right, being elected to the Senate in 2001, and serving as the 67^th Secretary of State (2009-2013).

Now Hillary Clinton is considering running for the Presidency – I for one, hope that she does run!  Can you imagine – at long last – a female President in America?  She is more than qualified to handle the job; if only America will look at her extraordinary abilities, breadth of relevant and valuable political experience.  Can you imagine the media focusing on her abilities versus on her gender, her shoes, her hair; etc.?  In 1993 a Newsweek poll showed 49% of American women thought favorably of Hillary and that 46% supported her taking an active role in her spouse’s Presidency – over 20 years have passed, polls will come again; have North American women made progress in gender equity, or will Hillary have to run the same patriarchal gauntlet?

Normalizing Violence - Boston Horror

by Pam Hadder

We've all heard too much about Boston this week, and not in the way that was expected - and yet we haven't heard nearly enough, right?  We can't understand what drives young men to commit such cowardly, devastating acts of violence against people they don't even know, people in their community; their fellow citizens. It's simply inconceivable - it is surreal and horrific.

For decades, feminist academics have been searching to expose the roots of masculine violence, and to understand what factors contribute to creating and sustaining structures of patriarchal power and marginalization of women and other minorities.

Many theories exist, and they all offer some truth, but none satisfy the entire question - we find ourselves asking "why, why, why"?  We understand the validity of gender role theory - how our boys are taught that masculine equals aggression, and that women are inferior objects of sexual desire.  Statistics seem to show that children who are exposed to violence and aggression in the home (social learning theory) normalize these behaviours and see them as appropriate responses in daily life. We know that colonialism not only is the root of racism, but that its structures continue to thrive in government and business, and these structures support and breed racist, sexist and classist agendas.

But when immigrants seek asylum, benefit from Western education and freedoms and then attack the very hands that preserved their lives, that is hard to understand.  Western ideology is all about the individual, autonomy and independence - we see ourselves and our children as successful when they are able to "make it" on their own.  Eastern ideology is very different - the value is on community, and the ties to community and one's responsibility to it are culturally entrenched for generations, hundreds of years.  We see the East as blind, lemming-like  creatures who are incapable of independent thought and action - they see us as selfish, immoral, self-absorbed monsters.  Both are grossly ignorant, over-simplified generalizations within the complex fabric of global humanity.

To me, the underlying message is simple - we need to instill tolerance and understanding in our children.  Allowing other perspectives does not obliterate one's identity or culture, it is simply an acceptance of human diversity of thought and approach - instead of right/wrong or either/or, we can move toward a both/and way of thinking and analysis.  And where does violence - terrorist violence, like the Boston Marathon bombing - fit into this puzzle?  We see two types of terrorist violence in North America - the guilty Westerner who becomes convinced that his nation is evil and must pay the human price, and the devoted Easterner who sees Western ideology as a global threat to humanity.  Both sides see their ideal masculinity as aggressive, dominant power - if I can destroy more, take more, create more fear, then I have power.  Power is everything, and any physical or psychological means will be used to obtain it and hold it. Indoctrination versus personal critical thought is at play in either case. And what of accountability - whether personal or community-focused, what culture would condone mass murder and maiming of innocents?

The kicker for me with the whole horrible Boston incident was some of the American women who posted on my Twitter feed - I was appalled by their remarks.  They were actually crooning and fawning over the second suspect who was captured alive - "so glad that boy is alive," "oh he looks so young and thin," "he reminds me of my boy" etc. (WTF???) Patty Hearst syndrome seems to be alive and well and with a much shorter incubation period, thanks to rapid fire social media - even the news of the capture was seen first on Twitter versus the national news networks! First of all, the criminal suspect is a nineteen-year-old man - in Canada and many other nations, he would be old enough to vote, to fight for his country, and so on. I was just mortified by public ignorance about criminal violence - for these women, it was all about the suspect's appearance.  Because he looked attractive, young and vulnerable, their heteronormative Mommy programming kicked in - 170 injured, 3 murdered (blown to bits) - including a child, and they are fawning over a "caught on tape" terrorist.

In closing, I am a mother of three, Canadian, Liberal, and a patriot with many friends and relatives in America - and even with my liberalist, tolerant views, I am as appalled by these inane home-grown reactions to terrorist violence as I am by the heinous acts themselves! Think about it folks, and please challenge your friends and neighbours to understand all sides of the issues!

She

International Women's Week (IWW) has come and gone.  How did you mark the occasion?  Or did it pass like a blip amidst the barrage of media, message, and normalized misogyny?

The past two weeks, one of our university classes has been viewing and reviewing Miss Representation - the feminist activist film written and directed by Jennifer Siebel.   The film  is highly effective in raising awareness (and ire) over the portrayal of women in popular culture and the media.

One criticism, however, was that it does not propose solutions - that the viewer is left feeling helpless and victimized.  That may be a valid judgement, but on the other hand, sometimes you need to show the extremes to wake up complacent minds - this is not fiction, this is not an exaggeration, these are real examples of how women are constructed, viewed and  treated in mainstream North American media.

So, IWW passed and you missed it?  No worries - it's not a crime.  But global violence against women is the biggest human rights issue, and it is criminal. We all need to do what we can, each day, with every decision we make.  Make choices that support women and girls and speak up, write letters of complaint when you see abuses and degradation based on gender.  We do recommend that you watch Miss Representation, and that you consider adding your pledge to end violence - get involved in some small way; in a way that is meaningful and manageable for you.  Once you put on the glasses of awareness, you will begin to see the structures that oppress and hurt women, and you can begin to dismantle the masculinized hierarchies of control, abuse, marginalization and erasure of women, girls and all that is SHE.

http://www.missrepresentation.org/the-film/