By Pam Hadder
We all do it – at least at some point – we set sail with the
firm belief we are the master of our destiny.
When things go awry, we push on – ignoring the small signs and the huge,
rolling swells that signify “dangerous waters ahead.” But how much control do we ultimately
have? Is it truly mind and muscle over
matter? Modern self-improvement gurus
might witness our floundering and hypothesize that we are not immersed in
self-belief or believing, period – à la
Deepak Chopra, or the Secret.
On the other hand, consider Thomas Hardy’s classic tale, Tess of the d’ Urbervilles – it is likely that you had to slog through and analyze the beans out of this novel in high school! What has stayed with me post high school is my frustration with the ludicrous limitations placed upon the protagonist, Tess. Tess has an opportunity to escape with her true love, Angel, but instead she succumbs to fatalistic views and fulfills the tragic heroine outcome. Consider when the search party finds her sleeping on the altar at Stonehenge – woman as sacrifice; a human offering for a twisted world that frames the feminine as unstable, promiscuous, consumable, and as object – she is a stripped down caricature, devoid of agency.
The novel’s
ending was so aggravating to me as a young woman – I mean, what the hell, I
would have fought a lot harder that! I didn't have the critical awareness or the
language to articulate my frustration at that time. Furthermore, the subject of
sexism was not addressed by my teachers. I now see that the book was a complete set-up of the female gender,
a damnation of women as irrational temptresses, incapable of forging a
worthwhile path in the world; keep those XXs on a short leash or goodness
knows they’ll stab you in the heart – literally the message served up by Hardy
in his characterization of Tess.
So what is it – mind over matter or wildly surfing the whims
of fate? As much as I have battled the
naysayers, the misogynists, and the structures that limit womanhood, and it
pains me to admit there have been too many times that I sailed with Tess, forgetting
my dreams and allowing opinions and social pressures to alter my course. I recall being very small and
building a sand castle by the lake shore – as soon as I would make a little
headway – whoosh another wave would arrive to dash my hopes and remind me of inadequacies I
had already begun to feel; inadequacies I resisted but which my socialization
reinforced as being attributed to my girlhood.
How many times have you heard “take it like a man” or “run like a girl”
etc. – associations with the feminine are too often framed as the incapable,
the weak, and the laughable “other.”
It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.” Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women," we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to understand that women's rights are basic human rights.
It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.” Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women," we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to understand that women's rights are basic human rights.
