Sailing With Tess

By Pam Hadder

We all do it – at least at some point – we set sail with the firm belief we are the master of our destiny.  When things go awry, we push on – ignoring the small signs and the huge, rolling swells that signify “dangerous waters ahead.”  But how much control do we ultimately have?  Is it truly mind and muscle over matter?  Modern self-improvement gurus might witness our floundering and hypothesize that we are not immersed in self-belief or believing, period –  à la Deepak Chopra, or the Secret.

On the other hand, consider Thomas Hardy’s classic tale, Tess of the d’ Urbervilles – it is likely that you had to slog through and analyze the beans out of this novel in high school!  What has stayed with me post high school is my frustration with the ludicrous limitations placed upon the protagonist, Tess.   Tess has an opportunity to escape with her true love, Angel, but instead she succumbs to fatalistic views and fulfills the tragic heroine outcome.   Consider when the search party finds her sleeping on the altar at Stonehenge – woman as sacrifice; a human offering for a twisted world that frames the feminine as unstable, promiscuous, consumable, and as object – she is a stripped down caricature, devoid of agency.  

The novel’s ending was so aggravating to me as a young woman – I mean, what the hell, I would have fought a lot harder that!  I didn't have the critical awareness or the language to articulate my frustration at that time. Furthermore, the subject of sexism was not addressed by my teachers.  I now see that the book was a complete set-up of the female gender, a damnation of women as irrational temptresses, incapable of forging a worthwhile path in the world; keep those XXs on a short leash or goodness knows they’ll stab you in the heart – literally the message served up by Hardy in his characterization of Tess.

So what is it – mind over matter or wildly surfing the whims of fate?  As much as I have battled the naysayers, the misogynists, and the structures that limit womanhood, and it pains me to admit there have been too many times that I sailed with Tess, forgetting my dreams and allowing opinions and social pressures to alter my course.  I recall being very small and building a sand castle by the lake shore – as soon as I would make a little headway – whoosh another wave would arrive to dash my hopes and remind me of inadequacies I had already begun to feel; inadequacies I resisted but which my socialization reinforced as being attributed to my girlhood.  How many times have you heard “take it like a man” or “run like a girl” etc. – associations with the feminine are too often framed as the incapable, the weak, and the laughable “other.”  

It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the  person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.”  Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women,"  we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to  understand that women's rights are basic human rights.

Mine are BREASTS

You may or may not be familiar with MORE Magazine - it's a Canadian women's magazine that is (supposedly) geared toward women in the age 40+ demographic.

Initially the mag seemed to offer a fresh outlook - reader models that looked like regular gals, practical fashion and health tips, and interesting topics that weren't covered by the run-of-the-mill women's fashion mags.

In recent months, MORE has shifted to celebrity cover girls, reader models that look suspiciously like real models, high end fashion spreads with "available upon request" pricing, (OMG), and a fixation on the topic of sex.  Sound more like Cosmopolitan in the 80s?  Well, it sounds and looks more like that to this writer also.

At least the most recent issue (December/January Holiday issue) had a Canadian celebrity (Alanis Morissette) on the cover - lately the mag has been enamored with American celebrities. And what of celebrity?  Do women who work as lawyers, diplomats, educators, doctors, nurses etc. - any other profession other than music, TV or film - are these women's contributions not worthy of cover status? At what point to we begin to honour and value the everyday contributions of regular women? 

The kicker for me was an article called Faded Blooms - it was about caring for your breast implants as you age.  Just the title was offensive, perpetuating negative stereotypes about women and aging - what makes the age 40+ breast so repugnant? And why the ink devoted to surgical breast enhancement - are we human beings or cars?  Do we really need the after-market parts? If tiny feet were to become the new Hollywood standard, would all North American women jump on the bandwagon to reincarnate Japanese foot binding?  Now, we aren't too far off with that suggestion, btw, because wealthy women are getting fat injected into the balls of their feet so that they can where higher heels "pain-free"!

As if to rub salt in the wound, the dippy author of  "Faded Blooms" can't seem to face her own breasts with any degree of grace: "my rack."  She refers to breasts as "boobs," "knockers," and "bazookas,"  throughout the piece - everything but the term "breasts."  It's always such a disappointment when women who have a public voice don't support other women - this terrible article is gender betrayal served up as something "hip" we should all chuckle and coo over.  I, for one, am not laughing - it's an embarrassment, an outrage and a disservice to women.

The point is not to judge women who have chosen - for whatever reason - to alter their bodies with surgery. But shouldn't we as women consider that wide-spread body alterations like these are symptomatic of something?  As I grow older, I am more finely attuned to the different kinds of oppression and prejudice we face as women, but I'll be damned if I will call my magnificent mid-life breasts anything but "breasts." And I encourage you, regardless of your age or background to insist that your body is afforded the same respect.

Stuff

Funny world we live in.
Some are downsizing -
Homes and love handles.
Others have no homes,
Struggling
To keep
Meat on their
Bones.
If you 
Can't
See it
You 
Aren't
Looking
Hard
Enough.

Inequities are all around us - while the majority struggle to say afloat, the powerful accumulate more and more, and then pay for high tech alarm companies to defend their golden kingdoms. I live and work in Winnipeg, Canada, and in our city, new construction is booming and real estate sales are breaking records. Multi-billions are being spent on infrastructure - there are few large buildings in the business districts that have not been refurbished in some manner, if not totally rebuilt. There is money around, and lots of it - old money and new money - and those who have are spending it freely!

If you ask average Winnipeggers how they are doing, most will tell a sanitized story, because the reality is uncomfortable to face. If you are working, you are told you should be grateful to have a job. It's rare not to see pan handlers and homeless people in our city centre, and 
Winnipeg has been dubbed the "child poverty capital of Canada." 

You can't deny that distribution of wealth is an issue in this country, but many folks don't realize that Canada (yes, our Canada - the country the world sees as this Eden of opportunity and refuge) is in the World Vision giving catalogue, under providing school supplies and meals for needy children. Of course, the catalogue cover shows brown-skinned children from some faraway, so-called "third-world" place.  So, it appears that times are very tough and times are exceptionally fine - it really depends on who is telling their story and how close you look, whether you are a woman, a man, or a child, and what colour your skin is.

We have lots of brown skinned people in Canada too - everyone knows that Canada is 
culturally diverse. Nationally, Canada's Indigenous peoples are struggling for our government to honour land treaties, and in Manitoba we have the highest Indigenous persons birth rate. We see a lot of poverty and social issues in our urban aboriginal populations. These are complex issues, the root of which are colonial systems of control.  The oppression has compounded over generations, and those of us who see the inequities need to speak up, speak out and be part of moving toward fairness.