Sailing With Tess

By Pam Hadder

We all do it – at least at some point – we set sail with the firm belief we are the master of our destiny.  When things go awry, we push on – ignoring the small signs and the huge, rolling swells that signify “dangerous waters ahead.”  But how much control do we ultimately have?  Is it truly mind and muscle over matter?  Modern self-improvement gurus might witness our floundering and hypothesize that we are not immersed in self-belief or believing, period –  à la Deepak Chopra, or the Secret.

On the other hand, consider Thomas Hardy’s classic tale, Tess of the d’ Urbervilles – it is likely that you had to slog through and analyze the beans out of this novel in high school!  What has stayed with me post high school is my frustration with the ludicrous limitations placed upon the protagonist, Tess.   Tess has an opportunity to escape with her true love, Angel, but instead she succumbs to fatalistic views and fulfills the tragic heroine outcome.   Consider when the search party finds her sleeping on the altar at Stonehenge – woman as sacrifice; a human offering for a twisted world that frames the feminine as unstable, promiscuous, consumable, and as object – she is a stripped down caricature, devoid of agency.  

The novel’s ending was so aggravating to me as a young woman – I mean, what the hell, I would have fought a lot harder that!  I didn't have the critical awareness or the language to articulate my frustration at that time. Furthermore, the subject of sexism was not addressed by my teachers.  I now see that the book was a complete set-up of the female gender, a damnation of women as irrational temptresses, incapable of forging a worthwhile path in the world; keep those XXs on a short leash or goodness knows they’ll stab you in the heart – literally the message served up by Hardy in his characterization of Tess.

So what is it – mind over matter or wildly surfing the whims of fate?  As much as I have battled the naysayers, the misogynists, and the structures that limit womanhood, and it pains me to admit there have been too many times that I sailed with Tess, forgetting my dreams and allowing opinions and social pressures to alter my course.  I recall being very small and building a sand castle by the lake shore – as soon as I would make a little headway – whoosh another wave would arrive to dash my hopes and remind me of inadequacies I had already begun to feel; inadequacies I resisted but which my socialization reinforced as being attributed to my girlhood.  How many times have you heard “take it like a man” or “run like a girl” etc. – associations with the feminine are too often framed as the incapable, the weak, and the laughable “other.”  

It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the  person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.”  Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women,"  we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to  understand that women's rights are basic human rights.

Hillary Revisited

By Pam Hadder

My Mom is downsizing – she has finally sold the four-bedroom family home and is moving into a swank, green energy, 50+ apartment.  I am very proud of her practicality and spunk – she is looking forward to NOT shoveling snow, raking leaves and paying property taxes!  She has been so great at letting go of the old and embracing change – I am very proud of her in all ways. During the de-junking phase of Mom’s big move, we came across many interesting papers and trinkets – lots of things we had forgotten.  Some of the items are enjoying renewed significance, whereas much of it was just garbage.  For me, one of the treasures was an old issue of Homemaker’s Magazine (April 1993).  On the cover is a smiling, confident Hillary Clinton – just four months into her role as America’s First Lady.

The corresponding article was called “The Hillary Factor” and was written by Jocelyn Laurence – I skimmed through the paragraphs and images, and was struck by how much was different and also by how much was very much the same!  It made me realize how little ground we have made as women in political life – half the North American population is still being marginalized while the boys hold court.  Women who dare to enter the lion’s den are mocked and belittled and as such female perspectives are gravely absent from our political process.

Feminist hopes were very high for Hillary at that time: “whatever you might feel about her … politics…her attitudes and actions will put a new spin on the role of the political spouse and equality between the sexes.”   Further, Laurence commented on the “confusion engendered by a smart woman in a position of power” – instead of smiling on the sidelines, Hillary was visible and engaged in her own working priorities both on the campaign trail and later at the White House, where she got the press in a frenzy by occupying three offices.  There is no doubt that Hillary Rodham Clinton inspired women and girls to grab their hopes and dreams by the collar and hang on.

The writer parallels Hillary’s experience with Canadian first ladies, Maureen McTeer and Mila Mulroney, describing the flack these bright women faced because “they decided to do something other than buy designer gowns and meet interior decorators.” McTeer was characterized as “strident” and Mulroney was unfairly typecast as “an expensive ornament.”  Hillary had similarly been vilified by the press as “the yuppie wife from hell,” among many other insulting and demeaning statements – remember all the fuss about her hair bands for goodness sake?  The Homemaker’s article reminded me of the ridiculous preoccupation with Hillary’s physical attributes versus crediting her for sparkling intelligence and her many admirable capabilities and accomplishments.  Despite any bad-mouthing of Hillary and Bill’s partnership in politics, Clinton was elected and the rest is history.  A respected contributor to the Clinton administration, the former First Lady has continued to be a great influence and political leader in her own right, being elected to the Senate in 2001, and serving as the 67^th Secretary of State (2009-2013).

Now Hillary Clinton is considering running for the Presidency – I for one, hope that she does run!  Can you imagine – at long last – a female President in America?  She is more than qualified to handle the job; if only America will look at her extraordinary abilities, breadth of relevant and valuable political experience.  Can you imagine the media focusing on her abilities versus on her gender, her shoes, her hair; etc.?  In 1993 a Newsweek poll showed 49% of American women thought favorably of Hillary and that 46% supported her taking an active role in her spouse’s Presidency – over 20 years have passed, polls will come again; have North American women made progress in gender equity, or will Hillary have to run the same patriarchal gauntlet?