I Should
By Pam Hadder 

I should tremble

Like the poplar leaves
Chattering nervously
Hoping the sun peaks out
To cast her golden veil over me
Each quivering leaf a dazzling sequin
Silver, emerald and gold

I should duck and hide
Just like the autumn wind
Exhaling and swirling
Uncertain, meandering
Disrupting dead calm with erratic dance
Smoky, hazy, translucent

I should avert my gaze
Like the clouded sky
Fearful to reveal her
Honesty, beauty, courage
Shrouding blue clarity with gauze, feathers
Opalescent or white

I should, I should

But I will not

Sailing With Tess

By Pam Hadder

We all do it – at least at some point – we set sail with the firm belief we are the master of our destiny.  When things go awry, we push on – ignoring the small signs and the huge, rolling swells that signify “dangerous waters ahead.”  But how much control do we ultimately have?  Is it truly mind and muscle over matter?  Modern self-improvement gurus might witness our floundering and hypothesize that we are not immersed in self-belief or believing, period –  à la Deepak Chopra, or the Secret.

On the other hand, consider Thomas Hardy’s classic tale, Tess of the d’ Urbervilles – it is likely that you had to slog through and analyze the beans out of this novel in high school!  What has stayed with me post high school is my frustration with the ludicrous limitations placed upon the protagonist, Tess.   Tess has an opportunity to escape with her true love, Angel, but instead she succumbs to fatalistic views and fulfills the tragic heroine outcome.   Consider when the search party finds her sleeping on the altar at Stonehenge – woman as sacrifice; a human offering for a twisted world that frames the feminine as unstable, promiscuous, consumable, and as object – she is a stripped down caricature, devoid of agency.  

The novel’s ending was so aggravating to me as a young woman – I mean, what the hell, I would have fought a lot harder that!  I didn't have the critical awareness or the language to articulate my frustration at that time. Furthermore, the subject of sexism was not addressed by my teachers.  I now see that the book was a complete set-up of the female gender, a damnation of women as irrational temptresses, incapable of forging a worthwhile path in the world; keep those XXs on a short leash or goodness knows they’ll stab you in the heart – literally the message served up by Hardy in his characterization of Tess.

So what is it – mind over matter or wildly surfing the whims of fate?  As much as I have battled the naysayers, the misogynists, and the structures that limit womanhood, and it pains me to admit there have been too many times that I sailed with Tess, forgetting my dreams and allowing opinions and social pressures to alter my course.  I recall being very small and building a sand castle by the lake shore – as soon as I would make a little headway – whoosh another wave would arrive to dash my hopes and remind me of inadequacies I had already begun to feel; inadequacies I resisted but which my socialization reinforced as being attributed to my girlhood.  How many times have you heard “take it like a man” or “run like a girl” etc. – associations with the feminine are too often framed as the incapable, the weak, and the laughable “other.”  

It seems to me that the perils of young dreamers are very real; particularly if the  person is a girl, a woman, or identifies as “feminine.”  Rather than accepting what others frame for us as "suitable for women,"  we need to persist, follow our personal passions and interests, and we must insist upon equal treatment in all areas of life - and we must encourage and inspire others to  understand that women's rights are basic human rights.

Hillary Revisited

By Pam Hadder

My Mom is downsizing – she has finally sold the four-bedroom family home and is moving into a swank, green energy, 50+ apartment.  I am very proud of her practicality and spunk – she is looking forward to NOT shoveling snow, raking leaves and paying property taxes!  She has been so great at letting go of the old and embracing change – I am very proud of her in all ways. During the de-junking phase of Mom’s big move, we came across many interesting papers and trinkets – lots of things we had forgotten.  Some of the items are enjoying renewed significance, whereas much of it was just garbage.  For me, one of the treasures was an old issue of Homemaker’s Magazine (April 1993).  On the cover is a smiling, confident Hillary Clinton – just four months into her role as America’s First Lady.

The corresponding article was called “The Hillary Factor” and was written by Jocelyn Laurence – I skimmed through the paragraphs and images, and was struck by how much was different and also by how much was very much the same!  It made me realize how little ground we have made as women in political life – half the North American population is still being marginalized while the boys hold court.  Women who dare to enter the lion’s den are mocked and belittled and as such female perspectives are gravely absent from our political process.

Feminist hopes were very high for Hillary at that time: “whatever you might feel about her … politics…her attitudes and actions will put a new spin on the role of the political spouse and equality between the sexes.”   Further, Laurence commented on the “confusion engendered by a smart woman in a position of power” – instead of smiling on the sidelines, Hillary was visible and engaged in her own working priorities both on the campaign trail and later at the White House, where she got the press in a frenzy by occupying three offices.  There is no doubt that Hillary Rodham Clinton inspired women and girls to grab their hopes and dreams by the collar and hang on.

The writer parallels Hillary’s experience with Canadian first ladies, Maureen McTeer and Mila Mulroney, describing the flack these bright women faced because “they decided to do something other than buy designer gowns and meet interior decorators.” McTeer was characterized as “strident” and Mulroney was unfairly typecast as “an expensive ornament.”  Hillary had similarly been vilified by the press as “the yuppie wife from hell,” among many other insulting and demeaning statements – remember all the fuss about her hair bands for goodness sake?  The Homemaker’s article reminded me of the ridiculous preoccupation with Hillary’s physical attributes versus crediting her for sparkling intelligence and her many admirable capabilities and accomplishments.  Despite any bad-mouthing of Hillary and Bill’s partnership in politics, Clinton was elected and the rest is history.  A respected contributor to the Clinton administration, the former First Lady has continued to be a great influence and political leader in her own right, being elected to the Senate in 2001, and serving as the 67^th Secretary of State (2009-2013).

Now Hillary Clinton is considering running for the Presidency – I for one, hope that she does run!  Can you imagine – at long last – a female President in America?  She is more than qualified to handle the job; if only America will look at her extraordinary abilities, breadth of relevant and valuable political experience.  Can you imagine the media focusing on her abilities versus on her gender, her shoes, her hair; etc.?  In 1993 a Newsweek poll showed 49% of American women thought favorably of Hillary and that 46% supported her taking an active role in her spouse’s Presidency – over 20 years have passed, polls will come again; have North American women made progress in gender equity, or will Hillary have to run the same patriarchal gauntlet?

Normalizing Violence - Boston Horror

by Pam Hadder

We've all heard too much about Boston this week, and not in the way that was expected - and yet we haven't heard nearly enough, right?  We can't understand what drives young men to commit such cowardly, devastating acts of violence against people they don't even know, people in their community; their fellow citizens. It's simply inconceivable - it is surreal and horrific.

For decades, feminist academics have been searching to expose the roots of masculine violence, and to understand what factors contribute to creating and sustaining structures of patriarchal power and marginalization of women and other minorities.

Many theories exist, and they all offer some truth, but none satisfy the entire question - we find ourselves asking "why, why, why"?  We understand the validity of gender role theory - how our boys are taught that masculine equals aggression, and that women are inferior objects of sexual desire.  Statistics seem to show that children who are exposed to violence and aggression in the home (social learning theory) normalize these behaviours and see them as appropriate responses in daily life. We know that colonialism not only is the root of racism, but that its structures continue to thrive in government and business, and these structures support and breed racist, sexist and classist agendas.

But when immigrants seek asylum, benefit from Western education and freedoms and then attack the very hands that preserved their lives, that is hard to understand.  Western ideology is all about the individual, autonomy and independence - we see ourselves and our children as successful when they are able to "make it" on their own.  Eastern ideology is very different - the value is on community, and the ties to community and one's responsibility to it are culturally entrenched for generations, hundreds of years.  We see the East as blind, lemming-like  creatures who are incapable of independent thought and action - they see us as selfish, immoral, self-absorbed monsters.  Both are grossly ignorant, over-simplified generalizations within the complex fabric of global humanity.

To me, the underlying message is simple - we need to instill tolerance and understanding in our children.  Allowing other perspectives does not obliterate one's identity or culture, it is simply an acceptance of human diversity of thought and approach - instead of right/wrong or either/or, we can move toward a both/and way of thinking and analysis.  And where does violence - terrorist violence, like the Boston Marathon bombing - fit into this puzzle?  We see two types of terrorist violence in North America - the guilty Westerner who becomes convinced that his nation is evil and must pay the human price, and the devoted Easterner who sees Western ideology as a global threat to humanity.  Both sides see their ideal masculinity as aggressive, dominant power - if I can destroy more, take more, create more fear, then I have power.  Power is everything, and any physical or psychological means will be used to obtain it and hold it. Indoctrination versus personal critical thought is at play in either case. And what of accountability - whether personal or community-focused, what culture would condone mass murder and maiming of innocents?

The kicker for me with the whole horrible Boston incident was some of the American women who posted on my Twitter feed - I was appalled by their remarks.  They were actually crooning and fawning over the second suspect who was captured alive - "so glad that boy is alive," "oh he looks so young and thin," "he reminds me of my boy" etc. (WTF???) Patty Hearst syndrome seems to be alive and well and with a much shorter incubation period, thanks to rapid fire social media - even the news of the capture was seen first on Twitter versus the national news networks! First of all, the criminal suspect is a nineteen-year-old man - in Canada and many other nations, he would be old enough to vote, to fight for his country, and so on. I was just mortified by public ignorance about criminal violence - for these women, it was all about the suspect's appearance.  Because he looked attractive, young and vulnerable, their heteronormative Mommy programming kicked in - 170 injured, 3 murdered (blown to bits) - including a child, and they are fawning over a "caught on tape" terrorist.

In closing, I am a mother of three, Canadian, Liberal, and a patriot with many friends and relatives in America - and even with my liberalist, tolerant views, I am as appalled by these inane home-grown reactions to terrorist violence as I am by the heinous acts themselves! Think about it folks, and please challenge your friends and neighbours to understand all sides of the issues!

Stuff

Funny world we live in.
Some are downsizing -
Homes and love handles.
Others have no homes,
Struggling
To keep
Meat on their
Bones.
If you 
Can't
See it
You 
Aren't
Looking
Hard
Enough.

Inequities are all around us - while the majority struggle to say afloat, the powerful accumulate more and more, and then pay for high tech alarm companies to defend their golden kingdoms. I live and work in Winnipeg, Canada, and in our city, new construction is booming and real estate sales are breaking records. Multi-billions are being spent on infrastructure - there are few large buildings in the business districts that have not been refurbished in some manner, if not totally rebuilt. There is money around, and lots of it - old money and new money - and those who have are spending it freely!

If you ask average Winnipeggers how they are doing, most will tell a sanitized story, because the reality is uncomfortable to face. If you are working, you are told you should be grateful to have a job. It's rare not to see pan handlers and homeless people in our city centre, and 
Winnipeg has been dubbed the "child poverty capital of Canada." 

You can't deny that distribution of wealth is an issue in this country, but many folks don't realize that Canada (yes, our Canada - the country the world sees as this Eden of opportunity and refuge) is in the World Vision giving catalogue, under providing school supplies and meals for needy children. Of course, the catalogue cover shows brown-skinned children from some faraway, so-called "third-world" place.  So, it appears that times are very tough and times are exceptionally fine - it really depends on who is telling their story and how close you look, whether you are a woman, a man, or a child, and what colour your skin is.

We have lots of brown skinned people in Canada too - everyone knows that Canada is 
culturally diverse. Nationally, Canada's Indigenous peoples are struggling for our government to honour land treaties, and in Manitoba we have the highest Indigenous persons birth rate. We see a lot of poverty and social issues in our urban aboriginal populations. These are complex issues, the root of which are colonial systems of control.  The oppression has compounded over generations, and those of us who see the inequities need to speak up, speak out and be part of moving toward fairness.

Your Song

Music icon, Janis Joplin, once said, "Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers."  An interesting observation, as we consider  transnational feminist praxis  -how TFPX encourages active witness, and resists definition as it grows, changes and overlaps within and beyond itself.  

Through our current lens of feminist activism, Joplin's remark is both an accurate commentary on academic-activist dichotomy, and is also a wonderful summary of what it is to be active and engaged as a socially conscious, self-and-world-aware woman.  Joplin's words were consistently profound, honest and distinctly Janis. Joplin's unmatched sound, unique viewpoint and full-frontal passion for life made an indelible impact on the music scene, and in a broader sense, on popular culture. Her intensity and style were so well-matched for the time in which her star rose - it was as if she had a premonition that her window of opportunity would be small - and oh how she filled that too-brief vista with her mega-watt energy and talent!

The music industry was (and is still is) a very male-dominated space to make a living.  It was intensely "more-so" in the 60s and 70s when Ms. Joplin was working her magic. When asked about settling down (the patriarchal societal model vs. free love and no wedding ring), Joplin quipped, "I won't quit to be become someone's old lady."

Some say Janis was inspired by great American singers such as Bessie Smith, Aretha Franklin, Billie Holiday and Big Mama Thornton.  Similar to Elvis Presley, people weren't accustomed to hearing those sounds come out of a white person. Janis' response was a wake up call for cultural stereotypes: "You know why we're stuck with the myth that only black people have soul? Because white people don't let themselves feel things."

So, was her contribution to our life, our world, our music, our time - was it activism? She definitely shaped our view through her sharing of her talent and take on race, sex, music, politics, life, and everything in between. Very few will match Joplin's  impact on music, and no one will ever duplicate this person we know as Janis, but her life reinforces that activism is much more than lobbying government, writing reports and protest marches.

"When I sing, I feel like when you're first in love. It's more than sex. It's that point two people can get to they call love, when you really touch someone for the first time, but it's gigantic, multiplied by the whole audience. I feel chills." - Janis Joplin

A Work in Progress

By Pam Hadder

So here we are, sitting on a sandy beach and sharing one of my sunsets - that may seem more like an ending than a beginning. However,  I am aware that as the sun sets for me this evening, it is rising for millions of others thousands of miles away.

And so our beginnings and our endings are really one continuum - we are inseparable, vitally connected: as day moves into night, and as one hand touches another, and as one thought is given wings by new ideas. All this activity occurs with increasing speed and frequency, thanks to virtual platforms such as this blog - which is wonderful, but can also be a hindrance when one considers the vulnerabilities of sharing our personal thoughts and information on the Internet - like everything else we inherit both sides of the coin, the positive and the negative, the sunlight and the nightfall. And connection is the core of it all - let me briefly explain.

Beginnings
I have been blogging for a number of years on different subjects and both personally and professionally - so why have I chosen to share this sun-up/sundown,beginning/ending eternal connection with you? TFPX arose out of coursework at the University of Manitoba, Canada - specifically Feminist Community Organizing: Theories and Practices, with Dr. Jocelyn Thorpe, Women's and Gender Studies Department.

Throughout our learning experience, our class sought to define the currently accepted ideas surrounding feminist activism, and strove to understand how and why recent changes in approach have gathered acceptance.  At the onset, several dichotomies emerged: academic versus activism, theory versus method, and individual versus collaborative, for example.  As we explored the vast and mysterious new frontier - a place of complexity and contradiction, which was at the same time intricately entwined with all of the familiar and humble things of daily life - the term transnational feminist praxis  became our focus. 

Imagine the idea of active witnessing, of creating spaces where we can come together in harmony and strength, of accepting that making a mess is part of learning, of accepting that theory needs to be balanced by meaningful action, and of knowing that as much as we are different and perhaps oppositional, we also share many concerns - and strengths - in areas of vital importance.

Initially, I will be sharing items of relevance in my experience as a mother, a partner, a daughter, a sister, an entrepreneur, an artist, a musician, a writer, a friend - and all of the other roles that have woven their way into my life as this female person, we call WOMAN. But the ultimate goal is to use this blog as a platform to share OUR story - our collective story; all of the touch points that define US and connect US and frustrate US. 

And so, welcome to TFPX - a work in progress!  Please visit often, and send your feedback and suggestions for areas of focus.  Coming soon... Facebook, Twitter, and buttons - yes, lapel buttons are in the works, to wear and share.

I am excited to know and share your view - thank you for taking time to connect.

 - Pam